i fell in love with a cheeky marmoset. i've had my heart broken by a baboon.

for some reason, each of the men i've been attracted to in my life has had their looks described as monkey-like, in one way or another.  it's not a conscious thing,  but it would appear i seek out ape-like characteristics.  in short, i like men who look like monkeys.

is this something primal in me?  when it comes to choice of mate, am i the quintessential naked ape?

when i was a child i would frequently daydream about strolling around Fremantle Markets with my very own nappy-clad pet orang utan.  i wonder if my son has inherited the monkey gene...?  i do hope so :)

i spent a long winter

There was a porch I sat on, one winter long

with a dusty pink pleather chair, so large it cradled me in its arms

for sitting and smoking and drinking coffees in,

for whiling away the time.

Those cool sunny days are long left behind.

the perfect hostess

Her look was understated, appearing accidental, almost peasantly.  But a keen eye for fashion could see that her outfit was an elegant arrangement.  She wore a loose black vintage mini dress with scoop neck and white hieroglyphic print.  She coupled this with a neck adornment of chunky black beads, and a yellow apron tied ironically at the waist.  Finished with messy hair, bare face, smooth long legs and naked feet, this outfit was flawless.  This woman has style.  And the grace of a dancer.

I watch as she quietly, dutifully, intuitively tops up red wine and prepares the pieces of her meal.  She expertly places object on the table in the most inviting arrangement.  The skill in these tasks gives away her hospitality experience.  She turns a simple meal into an exquisite dance: her guests are her music, and everything she does is in rhythm.

Her living room is draped in colourful fruit-shaped lanterns.  In another house these may look tacky or "too kitsch".  But in her house they are warm and delightful.  Her walls are adorned with portraits of her: gifts from her many artist friends.  I wonder what she thinks of when she meets these portraits with her gaze, looks into the eyes of herself, painted and static.  She has an irresistible face.  It responds to capture: transforms into something even more alive than real life.

still the same woman from behind

it's difficult to get laid when you're pregnant.

The New Person

i wouldn't call myself a devotee of Rogerian theory.  in fact, i couldn't accurately tell you what much of the theory is.

but several years ago i came across Carl Roger's vision for The New Person, and i have tried to live by the example of "The New" ever since.  this is what it is about:

• desire for personal authenticity
  
• institutions exist to serve people
  
• indifference to material goods [except pretty things]
  
• non-moralistic attitude
  
• desire for intimacy
  
• skepticism regarding science
  
• deeply inner world
  
• in equilibrium with nature
  
• inner authority
  

my favourite Woody Allen quote

from Annie Hall..

[Alvy approaches an attractive couple walking arm in arm on the street]

Alvy: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?

Her: Yeah

Alvy: Yeah?  So, so, how do you account for it?

Her: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.

Him: And I'm exactly the same way.

so i'll start here. with a list. because i like lists. they are safe.

as i notice my youth gradually getting further behind me - standing stationary somewhere pre-now (i can't pinpoint exactly where) - i find myself wanting to define the years that have gone by, in the hope that i can, maybe someday, make sense of It All...

2002: The Fog and The Febrile Season

2003: The Year of Brilliance and Drugs

2004: The Year of Anticlimax.  Or The wasted Year

2005: The Year I Signed on The Dotted Line

2006: The Year of Testing the Moral Code

2007: The Year My Cat Ran Away

-no-

2007: The Year My Cat Died

-strike that-

2007: The Year My Cat Came Home

and then there is this year:

2008: The Year of Love and No Money

...the most surprising and significant year i've yet to experience.